We are all dying.

But in recognising that we are all dying, we can finally start to live

I say this all the time. A throw-away comment that I dish out when I want to push myself to do something. I hear other people say this line a lot as well. It’s become a go-to cliche in today’s self-care-obsessed society. I think we all mean well. We’re all busy people who want to do all the things. This line spurs us on. And objectively, there’s a lot of truth behind it. But I also think we might be lying to ourselves. 

The lie? Life is short. 

We say ‘life is short’ all the time. But is life short? What if life is in fact long? What if the line ‘life is short’ stops us from truly enjoying life in all its fullness?

If you want to get technical, life can be short. Very short.

Life was short for my Dad who died in his 50s. 

Life is short for the people I hear who have died unexpectedly and I think to myself: Not another person!

We all know - or know of - someone who’s died far too young. And every time we hear about someone dying tragically, we’re somehow surprised. As if we’re born with the guarantee that we will die on the dot of average life expectancy. As if we all have the right to live well into our 90s or even hit triple digits. Of course - that would be lovely.

It would be lovely if we all had a shot at living our best lives for as long as possible. It would be lovely if we all lived the same number of years so we all had a fair chance of getting life right. It would be lovely if we had time to do all the things, go to all the places, and tick off all the things on our bucket lists. Unfortunately, we are simply not guaranteed a tomorrow. 

So, yes - life is short. Or at least it can be. I hope I have a long life ahead of me with many more decades to come. But life happens. Life is unpredictable. And you just don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Life is short but what if we started acting as if life is in fact long?

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This is not intended to promote arrogance or ignorance. As I said, we are not guaranteed a tomorrow. So I don’t think it’s helpful to live as if we’re invincible to life’s unpredictable nature. I’m just not sure if living as life is short is helping any of us. Yes - really. I know this goes against most of today’s self-help philosophies but I believe it’s an idea we need to explore. 

When I live with the ‘life is short’ mantra ringing in my ear, I do the following:

• I worry about the future. Will I have enough time to do all the things I dream of doing? Then I stay stuck in worry and don’t actually take action.

• I start getting angry about all the people who have died young. Then I worry about when I might die. Can I control when I will die? Mostly, my time of death is beyond my control.

• I go overboard on bucket lists and vision boards. I start frantically dreaming and measuring success and happiness on my ability to do as many things as possible - regardless of whether they truly make me happy.

• I say ‘yes’ easily - even if the me inside is screaming ‘no’. Because you can’t say ‘no’ when life is short, can you? You don’t know what you might miss! But usually, your ‘nos’ from within are a good indicator of what you should and shouldn’t be doing.

• I rush. I clock watch. I frantically schedule and micromanage my every waking hour. When I rush, I forget to enjoy the moment. When I clock-watch, I’m more concerned with what’s coming next rather than enjoying what’s happening right now. When I over-schedule, I’m not giving space to unexpected joys. 

When I live with the mantra ‘life is short’, I forget to actually live. 

I heard on a podcast recently someone - who has a life-limiting condition (so their life really will be short) - say that their biggest fear isn’t dying but their biggest fear is not living. 

Let me say that again…

The biggest fear of a dying person isn’t dying itself but the fear of not living.

And I hate to be the bearer of bad news but - if you want to get technical - we are all dying. Every day, we have one less day to live. 

But you said Jess, we should act as if life is long. You’re really making it sound like life is VERY short indeed.

Talk to someone who’s dying. Read a book written by someone who’s dying. They’re often not talking in great depth about their list of achievements. They’re not boasting about their bucket lists. They’re talking about the moment to moment living. They’re talking about the simple things.

Deborah James, known as Bowel Babe, who died in 2022 from bowel cancer, talked about - in her final days - how much she enjoyed the feeling of rain. This is me who used to quite frankly despise rain (I probably chose the wrong country to live in!). Now without fail, when it’s raining, I make time to enjoy it. I make time to embrace life in all its fullness.

Whether it’s raining or not. Whether life is plain sailing or feeling a little stormy. I make time to enjoy life - I have time to enjoy it. I can afford to slow down just a little. Because if I rush through life, life really will be short.

Questions to ponder

• Do you live your life with the ‘life is short’ mantra in mind? Is this helpful or unhelpful to you? How might your life change if you slowed down a little?

• How does it make you feel when you consider the idea that you are dying (along with the rest of us)? How comfortable do you feel talking about death?