Why did I decide to do this?
It was a good idea when I was sitting watching the Paris Olympics. Now it just seems daft.
The thing is, I used to really love playing badminton. As a non-sporty person, to find a sport that you’re actually good at is golden. I could do badminton. I didn’t look like an idiot playing badminton. Hit the shuttlecock. Keep your eye on the moving target. Bounce around on the court. Fabulous - job done. I can be sporty when I want to.
But that was 14 years ago. When I was at university. I am now 32 and definitely not a University student anymore (even though I do often get mistaken for one). I sat in the car wondering why on earth I thought I could be 18 again.
Watching the badminton matches from the Paris Olympics in the comfort of my own home inspired me.
‘I used to love playing badminton!’
‘Well, you should start playing again’
You’re right, Mum. I really should. So I did my research (posted in a Facebook community group) and the next thing you know I was anxiously waiting in the car park. Just me in the car park with the swirling thoughts.
What time should I go in? It starts at 8. But does it actually start at 8? Should I be there before 8? On the dot of 8? A little after?
Can I even hit a shuttlecock anymore? This is a daft idea.
That couple looks like they’re on their way to play badminton. I should follow them. Wait - they might be playing badminton but part of another group.
After my chattering monkey mind had finally calmed down ever so slightly and some PANIC messages to Mum and a friend who I knew would get it, I eventually left the car and entered the main hall where I would soon find out whether my fears were real or not.
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You could tell I was new. I looked around in the large sports hall feeling totally lost.
There’s a kickboxing class over there. I can’t even see badminton nets. Wait - there’s some badminton nets being set up. Is that for the group I’m joining?
I just started walking. I wasn’t sure where to but I knew I had to pretend that I knew where I was going. I started on my way to nowhere only to see ‘the couple’ from the car park waving at me.
‘Hey! Are you here to play badminton?’ they asked.
‘I sure am! But I’m not sure if I’m playing with you? *awkward chuckle* What I mean is, I’m here to join the Activity Junkies’ (name of the badminton group)
‘Yes, that’s us!’
And I immediately let out an internal sigh of relief. This super smiley, friendly couple were like the lighthouse after a spiral of anxiety. And they totally welcomed me in.
‘So these are the rules of badminton -’ and that was that. We chatted away, did polite introductions and I was finally on the court.
It was then the big moment. A very confident looking man was about to serve and I was expected to receive the serve.
Just look like you know what you’re doing. You’ve done this once before - many years ago but still - you did do it. You can do it again.
And I did it.
I did it once. I did it again. And again.
And oh yeahhh - that was a seriously good shot. I’m not too bad at this. Wait - I’m…
…sort of quite alright at this.
What am I saying! I’m actually sort of kind of good at this.
And that’s when I realised – the question I’ve been trying to answer all week. The response to a journal prompt that had been lingering in my mind: what does joy feel like to you in your body? This is it.
The relief at finding a lighthouse (The Car Park Couple).
The sense of belonging in a group of strangers.
Being completely and utterly focussed on the moment (‘just hit the shuttlecock, Jess, that’s all you need to do’)
Relief. Belonging. Being present. That’s joy to me.
And it only cost me £3, a bit of courage and quieting the anxious mind to find it.
Questions to ponder
What’s something that you used to love doing that you haven’t done in a while?
What do you need to do to reconnect to a past hobby that you know you’d enjoy?
What does joy feel like to you?