I have failed many times.
I’ve failed before and I’m sure I’ll fail again. I’m sure? Let’s not be arrogant here - I know I will fail again.
I can’t remember how exactly but I’m sure I’ve failed today. Not in some big, grand way. Today has been a fairly positive, straight forward day. But I’m sure there’s been something I’ve failed at.
Fail: to neglect to do something.
What have I neglected today?
I failed to brush my dog’s teeth. We failed to brush my previous dog’s teeth and it ended up with him having four teeth out. Whoops. That was certainly a vet’s appointment filled with shame. Not that the vet made us feel ashamed but you can’t help feeling like a failure when a helpless animal has their teeth removed through no fault of their own. Sorry Old Man Bart.
I failed to stick to the media deprivation as part of The Artist’s Way course I’m working through. As Julia Cameron advises, I adapted the rules of the game to work for me. The premise is to give up reading, or in the modern world, give up consuming digital content. So no e-mailing, no TV, no podcasts and no talk radio. I’ve cut myself some slack and said yes to work or business-related content - albeit to be used intentionally - and yes to media being consumed as a household (not fair to subject my family to the madness). Try giving up media for a week. It is HARD. I failed.
I failed to floss all of my own teeth today. Surely it’s only the front teeth that matter anyway? Yeah, you’re right, it’s really not a big deal.
This content is free to read but if you would like to support my writing then here’s a link to pay for some creative juice (tea, coffee, hot chocolate)
Some things that are a big deal that I have failed at…
I failed to get the A Level results that I wanted.
And as a result, I failed to get on to my first degree choice. In fact, I ended up ‘having’ (we always have choices even when it feels like we don’t) to do a different degree altogether.
I failed to successfully complete my first postgraduate course.
I failed to beat the odds and teach beyond the teacher retention statistics. I left mainstream teaching way before I had intended to.
Today feels like a significant day in the UK. Even if it doesn’t directly impact you, you’ll know someone who is impacted by today’s events. It’s GCSE results day. At the age of 16 everyone has to take the same standardised exams to determine their future. Get the grades you want - fabulous. On you go to the next step. Don’t get the grades you want - well, you might end up feeling like a failure. Except how can anyone with any ounce of decency call someone a failure if they didn’t get the grades they want? The truth is, you may feel like a failure (you’re not and I can’t shout this from my soapbox enough) but failing - or what we see as or feel like failing - is all a part of life.
If I could tell my 16 year old self anything, it would be: you will fail. You will fail many times. But failure isn’t something you’ve neglected to do (unless I mean, you literally didn’t even try but let’s face it, most of us humans are here just trying our best). Failure is part of the ebb and flow of life. In order to succeed, you need to fail. Life is full of opposites and you can’t have the good without the not-so-good.
And sometimes we can’t quite see that our failures in fact are blessings in disguise. Even if it takes years or even decades to realise why or how…
I failed to get the A Level results that I wanted and so, failed to get on to my first degree choice. Thank goodness that I ended up doing that degree instead because it’s left me with more opportunities after leaving classroom teaching.
I failed to successfully complete my first postgraduate course. Well thank goodness for that because trying to do a postgraduate course the year that my Dad died? It takes some kind of super human to do that and the fact that I turned up and did my best was quite frankly a miracle. As one of my course mates said at the time, ‘I think this is just a sign that you need to rest’.
I failed to beat the odds of teacher retention. And that’s okay. It was a fantastic stepping stone on to my next path in life and allowed me now to work for a global educational publishing company and run my own private tutoring business. Fancy pants! Oh, and as for the life lessons and character building from my teaching experience? I’ve got a whole book’s worth on that…
It’s easy to roll our eyes at all the nauseating cliches about success and failures and how it’s clearly not meant to be and all the well-meaning lines. But when you’re knee deep in failure, it doesn’t always feel helpful. Being all super human and dusting yourself off is all very well in hindsight. Not so easy when you’re failing in the present. But…
Those well-meaning lines are true.
In fact, if you’re not failing, you’re not succeeding. It does always work out in the end. And if it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end.
Fail loud and proud. Life is messy. It twists, it turns. You’re on cloud 9 one second and in the pit of despair the next. But I promise you without a shadow of doubt, it will always be okay in the end.
Oh - did I mention? Failure is an illusion anyway. And you know how I feel about illusions…
Questions to ponder
When was the last time you failed? How did it make you feel? What have you learnt from your most recent failures?
What advice would you give to someone who’s currently going through the illusion of failure?
What successes followed your failures?
I failed in an A-level exam too! I went to an international school and hoping to get to Europe for higher education I took an Art A-level course (along with German, but I did ok in that). I was devastated that I failed my Art A level exam but continued making art anyway. Never made a penny from it, except someone auctioned one piece I made to raise funds for ministry. That failure and a few others that followed should have disqualified me as an artist forever but this is all I've wanted to be and what I still do, qualified or not.
Sometimes Failure just means you didn't make someone else's standard, but that failure doesn't define who you are and shouldn't affect your deepest purpose. Yes we all fall short, but God redeems us out of our failures and loves us in spite of them.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
I’m a teacher (part time) and this perception of « failure » is something I’m trying to transmit to my very young students (and their parents…as much as possible). How can we talk about failure in a 5 year old?! Yet it starts early.
I also love the line in the poem about resilience being healing. 🙏🏻